Back to School Blues…And Basics!
There isn’t so much traffic where I live during August. Fewer cars on the road creates a sense of calm and relief from the usual traffic clutter. Next week this relaxed rhythm will be long forgotten. The “getting ready for school” drive is or will be in full swing, especially for iMAD aka ADHD/ADD parents.
iMAD kids are typically not organized. Their timeline for not fun things is always LATER, not now. That puts pressure on their parents to help organize them. That is usually resented because it feels as if the parent is trying to control them. Well, yes and no. Yes, there are errands to do, like getting school supplies, shopping for clothes and the like. Lots of kids enjoy these activities and are excited to anticipate school starting. But iMAD kids usually have to be pushed and structured more than others. That means there is a “pusher” and a “pushie.” “Pushies” don’t like the feeling of being pushed or forced. What iMAD kids can’t perceive is that their lack of focus and casual or indifferent relationship to time causes the “pusher” parent to try and corral their attention and focus to get them moving in the right direction.
This interpersonal dynamic between parent and child puts iMAD kids in a reluctant and often resentful mood. As well, they have a harder time with transitions, school is typically arduous for them AND they are having too much fun being their summer relaxed personality.
It is true that many iMAD kids have parents who also have difficulty focusing and organizing. They too may be iMAD, even if they have never been formally diagnosed. So it takes extra effort on the parent’s part to organize for the fall, unless, of course, the iMAD parent is off to work and the other parent responsible for the children’s day to day activities is good at strategizing and organizing.
It always helps to understand what is going on. The next question, then, is what to do to make the transition to school easier and more comfortable for everyone.
Here are several suggestions, give them a try and let me know if they help;
- Sit down with your child and preview the day, telling them what time the shopping trip will start. Ask them to write a list with you of what they need. The goal is to engage them in the process, not do it for them (unless your child is too young).
- Since iMAD kids live in the NOW, suggest they list something they can use today, not just what they will need next week or next month. That may help give them staying power to stay interested in what they will need later.
- Don’t make the shopping trip too long. Shorter trips take less effort to stay focused.
- When the tasks are completed, suggest that you and your child do something fun together, an activity of their choice that includes your participation. Nothing beats quality time at the end of a transition day!
Maggie Baker, Ph. D.
Psychologist – Financial Therapist
Author of Crazy About Money: “How Emotions Confuse Our Money Choices And What To Do About It”.