What Does the “Spirit of Christmas” Mean?

This year (2013) leaves me more confused than ever when I see Christmas lights going up before Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving and the biggest shopping day of the year being geared up for the night before with some stores opening at 9:00 pm Thanksgiving Day, barely leaving time to digest all the abundance of the Thanksgiving feast. And I must not forget Cyber Monday that is fast becoming a greater commercial boon than Black Friday.

Christmas equals shopping for bargain discounts?

As a child the anticipation of great things to come from Santa’s immense toy bag, the jolly feeling in the air with parents bustling about making preparations for good things yet to come was really exciting.

Getting up Christmas morning, running down the stairs to see all the glitter and promise under the tree, relatives gathered around joining in the fun, unless , of course, there was discussion of why Aunt Mary sent such an odd gift to her 10 year old niece.

And then we grow up, no longer believe in Santa but still enjoy getting together with family and catching up with friends who we haven’t seen all year. A new cycle starts with having kids of your own and delighting in their excitement. When grandchildren come it gets more delicious because you can spoil them with abundance and walk out the door after the party is over.

Here I sit with grown kids, no grandchildren yet, and wondering what I can make of Christmas, 2013. First I think that I don’t have to worry about getting to stores early because I can get all my gifts from Amazon in 2 days’ time. I can stay up all night shopping in the convenience of my living room nestled by the fire.

When I make my Christmas card list I realize I have very few street addresses and will find it easier to send ecards for the Holidays (Oh and that makes me realize I shouldn’t say Christmas but should stick to Holidays because I don’t want to offend anyone’s spiritual leanings!)

Then I say to myself, “Maggie, what are you thinking? Have you fallen prey to ease, convenience and customized Christmas preparation? What happened to the fun of wandering around stores filled with other people wandering around and the serendipitous interaction with friends and strangers all in pursuit of a perfect present for Mom , John and little Alisha?

Then I remind myself of all those TV images of people hunting down gifts in the mall, nailing down the best discount price and that doesn’t feel very warm and cozy so why not shop undisturbed at 3:00 am?”

Christmas Is Evolving

In other words, my experience of approaching the Holidays is being shaped by the changing technological world around me, just as Christmas in the early 1800s was shaped by urbanization, industrialization and immigration.

In fact in 1800 Christmas passed barely noted. But by the 1820s the creation of upper class wealth through industrialization allowed the development of the home as a sanctuary from the rapid changes in the commercial world. Women were at home with time and money at hand.

The idealized home idea lent itself to the creation of “the religion of domesticity.” Folk traditions became woven into the celebratory rituals of domestic safety and pride which then discovered Christmas in bleak midwinter as a perfect time to join together in fun and pleasure. Churches then caught on to the evolving Christmas tradition and amplified their sacred spaces with music, liturgy and Christmas greenery.

As the Christmas traditions grew through the 1800s so did its commercialization. Everybody wanted Christmas trees, ornaments, candles, cards and fascinating gifts for loved ones. New businesses developed to feed these celebratory needs.

The true meaning of Christmas

Now back to Holidays, 2013. Although much is “old wine in new bottles,” the rapid changes in technology and commerce, the slow economic recovery from the financial disasters that 2008 spawned and the over-stimulation of the frenetic pace of retail consumerism have left my head spinning in search of a clear, quiet and peaceful space that will provide me with the opportunity to create a meaningful Holiday experience.

I think back to what I remember about the Holiday season two years ago. My sons were home, friends were near, the music of Christmas Eve at church was spectacular as was watching “Christmas Vacation” with my boys until 2:00 am.

The presents that came the next day? To tell you the truth , the only one I remember is a heartfelt letter from my son (an actor and server (of course) in LA) letting me know how important I am to him and that my unwavering support for him in rocky times gave him strength to persist.

I want more lasting Holiday memories that are poignantly personal and meaningful and that I will remember five years from now. It might not go over so well to tell someone that what you want for Christmas is their honest appraisal of you and your relationship with them. (I remember someone in Quaker Meeting standing up and saying he wished he could have his funeral BEFORE he dies so he could experience first hand what people thought of him!)

One way to move toward a more authentic Holiday expression is to send letters of gratitude to people you care about; letting them know what they have done that has helped you, amused you, endeared them to you. The simple (or not so simple) act of reaching out and expressing yourself will have a ripple effect back to you and THAT you will remember.

Studies by positive psychologists have shown that when people give as opposed to buying something for themselves, it gives them a powerful psychic sense of satisfaction. After all, what’s better: unending stimulation with fleeting gratification or deeply felt satisfaction that lasts a lifetime?

Maggie Baker, Ph. D.
Psychologist – Financial Therapist
Author of Crazy About Money: “How Emotions Confuse Our Money Choices And What To Do About It”.