The Relationship Between ADHD/ADD and Money: Impulse VS Delay
The Relationship Between ADHD/ADD and Money: Impulse VS DelayYou go into your favorite electronic store saying to your friend that you aren’t going to buy anything. The last trip cost you $150 and you’re still paying that splurge off.
Into the store you go with the best of intentions; out you walk with a new iPad that was on sale “just for today” for 30% off.
It is hard enough for anyone to resist the glow of shiny new objects, but for ADHD/ADD people it is exceedingly difficult to slow down and diffuse the call-to-action – in this case, to buy a desired something. Why is this so?
ADHD/ADD people do not naturally have the ability to slow down, consider options and then make a choice. They are under the sway of impulse because their pre-frontal cortex is not as efficient as people who can inhibit or contain their actions. READY, FIRE, AIM takes over and rules their action. A delay for a non-ADHD/ADDer does not feel like an eternity, an insult or an unbearable constraint.
Managing your personal finances well takes commitment, strategizing, and planning, as well as consistently and persistently following through with money details. There may be no immediate pleasure or payoff except the satisfaction that you are taking empowering steps to get your money house in order.
Besides difficulty with impulse control, ADHD/ADDers very often have compromised “executive function.” That means that their ability to look ahead, to organize their thoughts, their papers, or even their desk takes triple the effort it would a non-ADHD/ADDer. The task feels so overwhelming they tend to avoid doing it until the very last minute when they are forced by a deadline or a sense of shame and/or self-loathing to get it done.
So those with ADHD/ADD have two strikes against them in the money department – unrestrained impulse and disorganization, not to mention a third strike, the tendency to distractibility. Distractibility means that it is easy to get over-involved in random thoughts in your head or to have you attention captured momentarily by what you see or hear around you. This third strike further compromises planning and follow through, no matter how good intentions are.
Let’s, for example, go with Tom to the supermarket. He gets up early full of the intention to surprise his wife with what he brings back for a special breakfast. When he returns he starts taking grocery items out of the bag – toothpaste, diet Coke in small cans, cat food, and milk. Surprised, he can’t figure out what happened.
What we saw in the store tells the story. Tom heads over to the pastry department. On his way he sees the cat food and thinks they need some, so gets it. That makes him wonder (a random kind of thought) if cats ever need to brush their teeth? This query makes him think that he needs toothpaste. Off he goes to get toothpaste. At this point he’s so forgotten his original intent to get a pastry surprise for his wife that he checks out and goes home, happy that he’s accomplished his mission.
Given all these significant tendencies, what is the ADHD/ADDer to do? One very typical solution is to find a partner who is very good at structure, at planning and short-term restraint. This works well as long as the non ADHD/ADDer doesn’t resent that role and that the ADHD/ADDer doesn’t resent giving control over to the partner and is willing to comply.
If there is resentment on either side this solution will wear thin after a while and real trouble can brew. The “controller” can get frustrated and depleted and the ADHD/ADDer can feel put down and controlled. If this happens and their cooperation breaks down they can easily both withdraw and avoid dealing with their money issues. Avoidance and withdrawal can only last for so long because the realities of unattended bills and bank accounts will bite them in the end.
Another better solution is to help the ADHD/ADDer to understand their difficulties and have them become accountable and motivated to put the extra effort out to learn how to manage better. This takes compassionate guidance from a caring friend, partner or professional counselor.
A third solution for partnered people is to keep each person’s money separate. That way the ADHD/ADDer at some point has to pay attention to what is happening with their money. It will usually involve some kind of a big CRASH, like bank charges piling up from overdrawn accounts or bounced checks, lost salary checks that don’t get deposited and over-extended credit cards. This may sound mean, but often ADHD/ADDers need intense consequences to wake up to the need to change something that is difficult to change.
Money can be a real battlefield for ADHD/ADDers with little hope of a quick and easy fix. Many people assume that ADHD/ADD is just an over-diagnosed fad and that they are really just lazy and looking for an excuse for theirdifficulties. ADHD/ADD is a very real issue for about 5% of the population.
The longer it goes undiagnosed the worse the problems can get. The good news is that medication and counseling are very effective in guiding ADHD/ADDers to find ways to get around the difficulties of their so they can enjoy the creative aspects of their condition. If counseling is not possible or desired, then a friend or sympathetic family member can act as an advocate and change agent to greater empowerment in the money arena.
Maggie Baker, Ph. D.
Psychologist – Financial Therapist
Author of Crazy About Money: “How Emotions Confuse Our Money Choices And What To Do About It”.